Sick Suck

Oh team. I am on the verge of sick. I usually claim to be "on the verge" of being sick long after other people would throw in the towel and claim full "sick" status, but I stubbornly try to fight whatever I clearly already have from the front lines for weeks. I'm like Czechoslovakia when other people are more like France. Which is to say, I think I'm probably already well and properly sick. Sore throat? Check. Watery Eyes? Check. Slight fever? Sigh. Check.

And I am breaking true character, not only by quickly admitting defeat and waving the white flag for these invading forces, but by being a complete and total suck about it. I'm being a baby. I am typically one to soldier on through a cold with very little complaint. Not today.

So rather than complain, I started thinking about all the awesome things to heal what ails you. Literally. My favourite "remedies" are...

1) Soup.
Played out? Maybe, but warm broth or classic chicken noodle, maybe a creamy tomato, on that raw and ravaged throat is the best shit in the world. I just scarfed down an epic bowl of cauliflower soup, and it was nearly a religious experience. I wanted to be baptized in that soup.

2) The Cold Side of the Pillow
I strongly believe that the cold side of the pillow is probably one of life's nicer treats under normal circumstances, but when you're sick, it is that life raft that helps you cling to sanity. However, the desire to occupy the coldest part of my bed also leads to what is quite literally my least favourite thing about being sick; the messy bed. When your top sheet is torn out, wrapped around the bottom of your feet in a bundle, the feathers of your duvet are all shoved in one big pile in your comforter, and, most loathed of all, when your fitted sheet rides up, exposing bare mattress. Whenever I find myself lying, sweating and dribbling on my exposed mattress in an illness induced haze, I feel like Johnny Cash going through withdrawal in Walk the Line. Overreaction? Maybe! But I'm sick! My rational capacities are greatly hindered.

3) Ice cream
Serving the same function as soup, but from the opposite end of the spectrum, who doesn't love some ice cream for a sore throat. Is it awful and countereffective when trying to heal your illness? Very possible - I have an M.A., not a fucking MD PhD. But it feels so nice.

4) Back. Rub.
Whether I drank too much and am puking while a friend is holding my hair and doing it, or I'm fighting flu symptoms and it's my mum, having my back rubbed in long gentle strokes is, bar none, the best feeling when I'm sick. It is the true height of narcissism, but being doted on is all most people want when they're sick, and physical comfort is the most selfish but satisfying kind of TLC a sick person can get. My back always gets so achey when I'm sick, and the long compassionate back rub is the perfect gesture of sympathy and concern. I want to cry thinking about how awesome some back stroking would be right now. But it's ok - my cat will totally cuddle with me.

5) Rain.
I feel like the karmic balance is in my favour when it rains when I'm sick. It's like the world is sick with me. Overcast days make me want to lie in bed and hibernate regardless of how hearty my immune system has been, so when I'm conducting biological warfare on my insides, it's all the better. Not convinced? How much shittier is it to be sick when it's beautiful and sunny out? So. Much. Shittier. And being able to open a window and get that fresh, cool, rain smell into your sick room is a treat.

Alright - pyjamas, a glass of water and my bed are beckoning.


Ps - no pictures? Because all pictures of "sick" are of made up healthy people pretending to be sick, or cartoons. And that's bullshit.