The New Furby and Why I'm So Deeply Upset By It

I have been unable to hide my penchant for all things 90s from many of my new law school acquaintances. Given this reputation, on a day that should have been spent ceaselessly reading case briefs, I found myself in the library, staring open mouthed in horror at my laptop screen when a classmate sent me this clip:



Being in the library, I watched this clip on mute. I don't think my reaction was entirely different to that upon most people in the 1940s seeing clips from concentration camps; my jaw dropped, eyes went wide, I looked around for someone to help me make sense of what I was seeing, and clapped my hand over my offensively slack jaw. Ok, furbies aren't the moral equivalent of a concentration camp - I'm certain furbies have not been used to commit war crimes. Yet. But, that was my reaction, nonetheless.

Having watched the video in its entirety, my horror is not abated, but, rather, solidified. It doesn't bother me that Hasbro has opted to reincarnate a cult-toy of my late childhood. I narrowly escaped having a furby of my own due only to my parents deep sense of unease with the toy. Or maybe their desire to be less indulgent. I was, after all, a little shit, if accounts are to be trusted. Do I think it's kind of a sell out? Yeah - Hasbro, you had your chance with this in 1998 (and again in 2005? Seriously?). And you did well! Let it go. However, my personal childhood favourite, Littlest Pet Shop, had a reboot of its own, so I can't entirely begrudge Hasbro for giving it a try with one of their own highest earners. After all, have kids stopped liking furry dependents any more than parents have despised cleaning up after neglected Christmas pets? If Homeward Bound II taught me anything, the answer is no.

their eyes just got SO MUCH BIGGER!

However, some of the elements of this new, reconceptualized furby, give me more than a momentary pause. On silent viewing, I was immediately struck by the one very obvious physical change made to the toy. Let's take a moment and compare, shall we?

circa 1998 furby

Here is our original (classic, if you will) furby. This is the being that first elicited the wikipedia description, an "electronic robot toy resembling a hamster/owl-like creature." Sure. Now here is the 2012 furby:

I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY DE-FUZZED HIS EARS!

Ok. So, what do I find distressing about the new furby? You need not be a film study major to pick up on my not-so-subtle emphasis on eye imagery. Hasbro forfeited the glassy, psuedo-life-like, googly eyes of the classic furby in exchange for an arguably more expressive pixelated digital eye. I will concede that I find their expressions creepy (particularly that one that I managed to find a picture of above), but my discomfort extends beyond that mere esthetic dislike. I couldn't help but be saddened that our world is one in which small children are more comfortable with furry little monsters which are quite clearly fused with technology than the ever-so deceptive furry little monsters of my childhood, rotating eye balls and all.

It means that that stupid Futureshop commercial where a kid claims to be "born on the internet" is less a hilarious impossibility and more a political statement on the sad boarders of reality the define (dare I say it?) kids today. A child, "ages 6 and up," is not at all disquieted by the fact that their teddy bear has achieved the Singularity. They are more concerned with what sort of ipod burgers to feed it to make sure it loves them the most! (You'll know it loves you when it sounds like a Sims character achieving orgasm)

What happened to Barbie Dolls, Mighty Max, Lego and, I don't know, actual hamsters? I had one! Of all of those things, actually, but specifically a hamster. If you want your child to love and care for something while learning vague vestiges of responsibility and stewardship, is this the best we can do? My preliminary research shows that one of these furbies goes for $69.97CAD. Yahoo! Answers indicates that, with the current rate of global inflation being what it is, hamsters go for anywhere between $6 and $20CAD. I spent more than that last Friday on vodka shots. I may have spent the amount necessary to buy a furby as well, but that is beside the point. I just hope that parents will think long and hard before they pander to their kids, but more specifically to toy and marketing companies, on this one. Think of all the shelter kittens that could use a home, or consider the value you, as a child, put on the first pet you had that [you perceived] was all your own. Can we please just reject the insidious research that has gone into marketing this crap towards kids and refuse to technologically indoctrinate our children when they are as young as 6-years-old? In this regard, I guess I'm pro-life, anti-technology. Send me to Georgia. Or Quebec, where the furby website has been banned for children 13 or under.

I don't like kids, and certainly don't want any of my own, but I still think they deserve better than a digital-burger eating owl/hamster that's a shitty dancer. Don't you?